Today I went shopping for maternity clothing...a painful experience, at best, and one I thankfully mostly avoid by reusing from the previous pregnancies and buying online. This time, though, I needed a new pair of jeans.
Of course, the affordable clothes are ugly and made of cheap material, that goes without saying. And, for some reason, you either have to be an XS or an XL to buy maternity clothing. And the medium size jeans are so long...I guess if you are a size 8 you are supposed to be 5'8".
Now, a warning, this is a breastfeeding-related rant. That's pretty much what I use this spot for at this point--talking about breastfeeding and blogging--since I have other sites for talking about volunteering, parenting products, education, and military family issues.
I want to make clear that isn't about the existence of formula or about moms who formula feed. It is only about the marketing of formula.
Back to the story. I'm checking out and they ask my address. I was immediately wary but they reminded me it was for something out of stock I asked to have shipped. I explained that I didn't want any additional mailings or coupons.
Then, they asked me my due date. I tell them that I'd rather not share that information. They pressed the issue, just a month, an approximate. I asked why they needed that. "For coupons!" they responded.
But I just said I don't want any coupons.
"Why not?"
I told them that I don't think it is the business of any company when my baby is due and that I don't need formula coupons or samples--I always end up trying to figure out where to donate things and then when I don't figure it out before the samples expire, I feel guilty.
"But they'll send you diapers! Why wouldn't you want it? There are $400 worth of coupons in there! You can save $400!"
At this point I was tempted to tell them I cloth diaper but I don't lie, even if it could be fun sometimes. So, I just responded that I use the chlorine-free types and they aren't sending $400 worth of diaper discounts and freebies anyway.
"No it is for stuff like..." at this point she indicates a poster that has Enfamil or Similac on there, can't remember which one.
But that's exactly what I don't want! Every time I am pregnant, I get a bunch of coupons and it is all landfill and waste. I swear you get a mailing the day after you find out you're pregnant. How do they know? It is freaky.
"Your doctor probably signs you up anyway."
I told them I don't go to a doctor.
By this point, they clearly think I'm a freak.
And this is what bothers me about the marketing in this country. Lives may not be at risk they way they are in other countries but it is so pervasive and invasive and persistent that anyone who wants to opt out of the formula marketing is pestered until they feel like they are weird...weird for feeding their babies the way mothers have fed their babies since the dawn of humanity.
I'm a third time mom so I just merely feel annoyed--but I suspect the effect is more insidious for all the first time moms.
I run a small business and people have to double-opt-in before I contact them yet giant formula companies are able to grab my name and address without my permission and send me junkmail just because I went shopping for some clothes.
Of course, if you opted-in, that means you are already considering or have decided on formula feeding. They're not interested in you, especially once you've decided on your brand. They'll reach you through your pediatrician or wherever else you go for "unbiased" advice about feeding your baby.
The formula companies are interested in the moms who want to breastfeed because that's where there is the biggest potential for the growth of their market share.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I'm NOT the Weirdo
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Pitch Speak for Newbie Bloggers
I get a lot of pitches at Mamanista, the parenting lifestyle blog I co-edit. I've also written a few pitches, freelancing for some friends who own PR agencies.
And I've noticed some trends in the use of language that might mystify newbie bloggers. So, to help you read those pitches, here is some key vocabulary translated:
- Exclusive: Only every blogger on my list of 10,000 mom bloggers has received this. Please be flattered and post this offer so I score points with my client / bosses. We're not going to pay you.
- Opportunity: We have some samples for you and we hope you are going to work for free because we are certainly not going to pay you.
- Opportunity to Run a Giveaway: We want inbound links and traffic for the wholesale cost of our product but we're not going to pay you.
- Exposure / Traffic: We'll put a tiny "no-follow" link to your blog at the bottom of an obscure page of one of our microsites in exchange for some quality content and active promotion of our brand...but we are not going to pay you.
- Beta Testing: We want you to be part of a free focus group but we're not going to pay you.
- Feedback: We want you to consult for us but we're not going to pay you.
- Blogger Contest: Our SEO guy or gal told us we need to build inbound links but we don't think your time, effort, and influence are worth the wholesale cost of our product and we are certainly not going to pay you.
- Content: We paid hack writers to throw together a piece of content that will appear on hundreds of spammy websites and we're hoping a few bloggers will pick it up, too, even though that is the one thing most real bloggers actually do well all by themselves. We paid someone else so we don't have to pay you.
- "We don't have the budget": Look, I'm just a low-level PR intern in a giant firm working on one small piece of a huge campaign for a multi-billion dollar-corporation. But I'm really nice and it would be so sweet of you to post for me. You and I both know this corporation has tons of money but they're paying it to someone else. They're not going to pay you. Heck, they are barely paying me to tell you we're not going to pay you.
For the most part, however, PR people need to place their clients on your blog but they cannot pay cash to do so.
The better, more experienced PR people know some pretty fancy footwork--they are charming, talented, seductive dance partners.
But if you want anyone, your readers, the brand representatives, and yourself, to respect you in the morning, you need to keep your wits about you.
Know what you want out of a relationship. Your potential dance partner may have just what you need to set the dance floor on fire.
If that is not what is on offer, either delete or "pitch back". If it does not work out this time, just sit this song out. Another, even more suitable dance partner, will be sure to invite you to tango.
And, even if they do not, in the immortal words of Billy Idol, "Well, there's nothing to lose, and there's nothing to prove, and I'll be dancing with myself..."
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Children Are Less Patient
We were at a busy restaurant over the holiday weekend and my daughter began to get frustrated that the waitress did not bring her water right away.
Then the waitress committed the horrible sin of bringing out the adult beverages before the water.
"Mommy," my daughter wailed, "She should have brought out the water before the wine because the children are less patient than the adults!"
I've always wondered about waiters that put hot plates and steak knives in front of toddlers (activating the lightning reflexes of the parents), bring out the kids' food last, and think a two inch paper cocktail napkin is going to be sufficient for a young child.
Yet, I have to question the wisdom of my daughter's words. I think we adults are far less patient than children. I watch my children all day long: waiting in lines, suffering my many parental missteps, and taking turns choosing books and toys. I can barely listen to 30 seconds of Musak before I'm ready to explode at the unlucky customer service representative who will pick up the line.
Adults are less patient than children--we're just better at hiding it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Annual Knife Through My Heart Got Twistier
We are now on a yearly schedule for my daughter's cardiologist. Yesterday was a good, if long (3 hours) appointment. The cardiologist and his staff were amused that my daughter brought her own pillow to the examination--they said that was the first time they had seen that in 20 years of practice.
We found out that valve replacement via catheter is now approved in the U.S. and I can only imagine how far the technology will go in the next 6-10 years.
I know I am so very lucky.
Still, the yearly recitation of the heart conditions on both sides of the family just became tragically longer this summer when my father-in-law, a good man and a loving grandfather, passed suddenly and unexpectedly.
And now that my daughter is four, her questions have become a lot more in-depth and probing and difficult to answer honestly, yet reassuringly and on an age-appropriate level.
I had an entire two days of:
Why doesn't brother have to go to this doctor?
Why doesn't he have a boo boo on his heart?
Why do I have a boo boo on my heart?
If they fixed the boo boo on my heart, why do they need to keep checking it?
What if it doesn't look fixed?
Does surgery hurt?
If I have surgery, will they make all of me go to sleep or just part of me go to sleep?
If I wasn't asleep, would it hurt? Why?
If I don't have a valve now, why do I need one when I grow up?
What if they weren't able to fix the boo boo when I was little?
If something happened to me, would you cry?
Did I dream when I was asleep during the operation when I was a little baby?
What did I dream about?
What is blockage? What is leakage?
Still, so lucky her condition was repairable. So very lucky to have a child who is alive and thriving and asking these questions.
And still so very scared sometimes.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
You Never Know Just How You Look Through Someone Else's Eyes
A friend's husband urged her to stop following me on facebook because my daily activities with my kids made her feel bad. Another mom messaged me asking how I do so much.
I'm not interested in telling you what a bad mother I am. I'm not. But neither are you. And I'm torn up inside thinking that my decisions and choices might make any mom I know feel bad about hers.
I once told my friend that I thought about renaming my personal blog Mama Good Enough and she laughed at the idea.
But really, there are many, many areas I just let go. I don't keep a good house and I can't stand laundry or ironing. I don't grow an organic vegetable patch or make my own baby food (back when my kids ate baby food). I don't always make optimal green choices.
And I don't update you every time I lose my temper at my spirited four year old because I forgot for a moment that I am the adult and she is just a child. I may tell you about my impish son and how he just won't stay in his seat during meals, preferring to leap from lap to lap...but I don't give the running daily commentary about my failure to find a discipline technique to consistently solve this challenge.
Before I had kids, I was heading to a volunteer event with a friend and told her I needed to run into the supermarket to grab some orange juice I had left at home. "Good to know you aren't perfect!" she exclaimed. "You are always too organized!"
Me? Organized? A well-crafted illusion, I assure you. And by "well-crafted" I mean shoving everything in a box and hiding it right before guests come over. Don't stop by my house unannounced or look in my closets if you want to maintain that notion.
The truth is that every day is a marathon of ups and downs and everything in between. Because that is real life. And the zeniths and nadirs make for good reading. But the in between? That's just life.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
My Young Pianist
My daughter, just before her 4th birthday, playing the theme from the New World Symphony by Dvorak:
BlogHer 10 - A Newbie Perspective
Having never attended BlogHer before ('06 - due in August, '07 - moving, '08 - due in August, '09 - husband had National Guard duty and other relatives unavailable to watch young kids), I was impressed by both the amazing logistical coordination a conference of this size requires and by the beautiful sense of community.
Major No Swag Improvements
From the safe perspective of my couch last year, it seemed as if the swag and the avarice it inspired had gotten out of hand. I'm sure it was slanted coverage over-emphasizing a few misguided individuals but the fact that there was a crush of people pushing each other aside and elbowing little babies was alarming.
This year, the BlogHer organizers and founders took several steps to ensure that this year was different. From what I witnessed and heard, their efforts succeeded. I think it was a combination of keeping the corporate sponsorships in one area, limiting the on-site corporate presence to official sponsors, and focusing a track of sessions on "Change Agents". The official presence of a charitable effort, "Tutus for Tanner", also helped lend a positive feeling to the entire conference. How can you not smile when you see grown women (and men) wearing fairy-princess-ballerina tutus to support a charming young man and his family.
I loved that some bloggers were making tutus at The People's Party and joined right in. I think a charitable activity should be an on-site part of every year's BlogHer -- either in a suite during the day or at one of the public parties.
Bloganthropy Awards
Another of the highlights of the conference for me was not an official part of the conference -- the Bloganthropy Awards, hosted by Child's Play Communications at their Dinner's On Us. When Debbie and I founded Bloganthropy.org, we were just hoping we could highlight and contribute to the better nature of the blogosphere. Little did we know that we would be able to honor five blogs and their publishers at a beautiful dinner, awarding one a prize for all of her hard work for her cause. Congratulations to finalists: Kristine Brite McCormick of Cora's Story; Maggie Ginsberg-Schutz of Violence Unsilenced; Debbie Dubrow, Michelle Duffy, Pam Mandel and Beth Whitman, of Passports With Purpose; and Megan Jordan of Velveteen Mind. And congratulations to the Bloganthropy Awards 2010 winner: Katherine Stone of Postpartum Progress. Since I'm still a part of BlogHerAds for now, I don't know if I can thank our fabulous sponsors...but we will be thanking them on Bloganthropy.org and on Mamanista.com.
Bloganthropy was an official sponsor and I loved meeting all of the amazing blogging women who came by the booth. We are focusing on female bloggers because that is our community but tell your male blogging friends not to be shy! They are welcome, too!
Off-Site Parties
Given that off-site parties are going to happen, and, in fact, give a lot of the bloggers something fun to do at night, I wonder if there is a way to integrate them more into the conference timeline and make them more productive. Perhaps companies that would like an opt-in list of attendees, possibly grouped by self-indicated interest areas, could pay a fee to BlogHer and agree not to host their events during key-note speeches or sessions.
More about these fun events on Mamanista.com (again, not sure if I can discuss here as part of the BlogHerAds network).
On-Site Socializing
I met some of my blogging heroes for the first time and formed new bloggy-girl-crushes on bloggers I did not know just a few days before. Unfortunately, I also had narrow misses or too-brief glances across a crowded room with people I was dying to meet.
I was thrilled to see so many amazing ladies there. I felt silly asking them to take pictures with me and I am afraid to list anyone lest I forget someone! I know I have yet to unpack some of my business cards but still need to give some major love to new friends and old. I think I will tweet them out as I think of them so that I don't have a static list of BlogHer buddies with lots of embarrassing (to me) omissions!
Oh, to heck with it...if I left you out, I assure you it is just a sleep-deprived brain. Just leave me a comment and I'll add you to my list:
Joanne Bamberger, Sarah Beldin, Christina (whose last name escapes me but who just rocks!), Kristen Chase, Jane Couto, Janice Croze and Susan Carraretto, Stephanie Elie, Shannon Entin, Amy Gates, Clarissa Nassar, Liz Gumbinner, Lori Holton Nash, Nancy Johson Horn, Rebecca Keenan, Marie LeBaron, Erika Lehmann, Maggie Ginsberg-Schutz, Anissa Mayhew, Amy Mascott, Audrey McClelland, Lynne Anne Miller, Courtney Hutson, Kristine Brite McCormick, Stefania Pomponi Butler, Katja Presnal, Julie Meyers Pron, Lindsay Reed Maines, Jessica Rosenberg, Dawn Sandomeno and Elizabeth Mascali, Annie at PhDinParenting (whose last name I'll leave off), Heather, Kim Janocko, Danielle Friedland, Katherine Stone, Veronique Christensen, Jen Singer, Corine Ingrassia and many, many, many more!
Again...I promise I enjoyed talking with you even if I missed you here--I probably just did not grab your business card. PLEASE leave me a comment so I can follow you and stay in touch!
I do not write at this blog very often so if you want to keep in touch with me, you are probably better off checking out my education blog, Naturally Educational, or my mom lifestyle blog, Mamanista, or following me on Twitter or friending me on facebook.
For those I missed at the conference...should you be in New York again, please look me up! Or if anyone heads out to the East End of Long Island, I'll take you on a wine and local cheese tour!
I hadn't heard about the birds of a feather lunches at registration--I would have liked those more prominently featured so I could have signed up. I also liked the "speed-dating" idea. I would have been interested to see that happen more formally.
Change Agents? How About an Ethical Sponsorship Policy?
The change agents sessions were a big highlight of the session which brings me to one of the biggest downsides of BlogHer '10 for me. A number of bloggers I really respect and wished to meet chose not to attend due to the sponsorship of two Nestle brand affiliates. One of the panels that specifically addressed radical blogging was (at least to my eyes and the eyes of at least one other audience member) all white. An African-American conservative blogger backed out after hearing of Nestle's sponsorship.
Ideally, I would like to see BlogHer form a committee, similar to the one that sets speaker policies, to develop ethical sponsor guidelines. I may not agree with the guidelines created but the idea that BlogHer would take all sponsors is concerning to me. Ultimately, it is an issue of the tone BlogHer wishes to set for its community. You can still be inclusive while saying that a basic concept of ethics is at the heart of our community.
The committee could also assist in filling the conference sponsor roster with companies that meet the guidelines, with the understanding that BlogHer reserves the right to add additional sponsors if the goal cannot be met by a certain deadline. I would be willing to volunteer as part of this committee.
Or a Session-Only Ticket?
Annie of PhDinParenting proposed that those of us concerned but still attending donate the Nestle-subsidized portion of our tickets (or the entirety, if possible) to a relevant charity. I do think that those who were speaking, or even just supporting those speaking, or working for positive companies and charities, did do more good than the harm of them accepting a small portion of Nestle's largess. BlogHer already has an "unsubsidized" ticket price listed but I do not support that option for a few reasons. One, it makes ethics the province of the wealthy. Two, it will not change sponsorship policies and any person's increased payment won't influence BlogHer not to accept money from unethical companies. Three, subsidized or not we are still benefiting from all the sponsors.
If an ethical sponsorship policy is too great a change in one year, how about instead of offering an "unsubsidized" ticket, offer a session and keynote speeches only ticket? Asking people to pay more is not the only way to allow them to vote with their wallets. They can also accept less "value" for the same price. No meals, no parties, no expo hall. This way, bloggers who still want to go to hear the inspiring talks can do so with minimal contact with sponsors.
Session Hashtags and Speaker Twitter IDs?
Another session-related suggestion I have is to have one of the slides in the slide show list: the name of the speakers, their blogs, their Twitter IDs, and the hashtag for the session. I had trouble catching the names of the bloggers and even when I did (or remembered my program to look them up) I did not always know their Twitter names or blogs. And when tweeting I just made up a hashtag but I think having an official one would be helpful for the speakers, attendees, those not attending, and the conference in general.
Explore Your Host City!
I would also love to see BlogHer reach out to natives of the host city to plan some semi-official outings. City tours, museum visits, adventures out to hot spots.
I spent a lot of time convincing people that midtown West is not really Manhattan and lucked into finding Amy and Heather who were eager to explore. We took the subway down to the Village and seeing the delight of my blogging friends was a real highlight for me.
Wrapping Up
I don't mean any of these suggestions to imply that I don't have the greatest admiration for all of the hard work that goes into the many moving pieces of this conference -- or that I did not have a fabulous time!
I was so impressed by how I could just walk into the banquet hall and sit down with any group and be instantly welcomed.
There were so many fascinating conversations and such great camaraderie--it was a great way to recharge my blogging engine. I left BlogHer wanting to use my online voice even more to build community and to help others.
